I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
