I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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