I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
