Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
