Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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