He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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