Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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