Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
