No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
