He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
