playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
