If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
