that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
