you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
