Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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