i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
