I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
