C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
