You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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