we have officially lost it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
