My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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