so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize