Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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