The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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