it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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