i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
