Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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