I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
