Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry drunkmaster hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(713): View more from Texas

She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.

Fav 24 5792 959
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

We need to rekindle our bromance

Fav 48 9050 1748
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(512): View more from Texas

So....maintenance found the bullethole.....

Fav 22 5735 2762
share tweet
(618): View more from Illinois

I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.

Fav 6 1133 2063
share tweet
(414): View more from Wisconsin

I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.

Fav 4 1032 610
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.

Fav 6 702 1080
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(732): View more from New Jersey

For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love

Fav 1 1189 576
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.

Fav 1 47 59
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(715): View more from Wisconsin

I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.

Fav 0 88 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT