are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
