If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
