I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
