Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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