I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
