Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
