its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
