I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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