When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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