Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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