I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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