the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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