Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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