the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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