no, he came in my armpit
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
