Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize