Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
