I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
