Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
