3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Still dying that you shit outside
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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