Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
