Im at strip club and am horny
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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