she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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