i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
