We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
