I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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