Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
