Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
