i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
