Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
