But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize