Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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