I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
