omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
