I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
