In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she pinky promised me she was 18
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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