I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
