last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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