North Korea, Best Korea!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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