Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
